'Lesti’s blog

In the past three months I have attended more funerals than most people attend in a lifetime.  And you know what I learned?  I don't want a funeral.  I want a party.  But funeral's are for the living, and when I'm gone, it doesn't matter a hill of beans what I want.  No matter what religion, funeral's are all the same.  We gather, pray, and mourn the loss of a friend or loved one.

I have stood and held family members hands while a person has died.  I have stood and held a patient's hand while they died.  I have looked death in the eye.  And each time it absolutely amazes me.

Why am I doing this?

Is it morbid curiosity?  Or simply a desire to fulfill a need that patient and their family have that noone else is willing to fulfill?  I'd like to think it's the latter.

I try not to get too attached to my patients.  Yeah, right.

YOU try to be with someone once or twice a week or more and get to know them and their family, then stand (or sit) there and hold their hand as they take their final breath.  See if you aren't a little touched by the whole experience. Then go to their funeral and watch the faces of their loved ones as they realize that it's actually over.  Then tell me you weren't attached emotionally to that person, or that their death didn't impact you and your life.

Death no longer scares me.  Life scares me.  I have a much greater appreciation for life and my loved ones.  They mean so much more to me now.  I'm a calmer, simpler person for it.  I'm seldom in a hurry anymore, seldom stressed out anymore.  I don't get so upset over all the "small stuff" anymore.  And I don't put so much value on "things" anymore.  Hooray!

People ask me almost every day "how can you do what you do?"

Simple, I believe in what I do.  I believe that I'm doing good.  I believe in life after death.  I believe in a higher power that's in control of all of this.  I believe everything happens for a reason.  I believe there's a silver lining in EVERY cloud.  And I believe I've been chosen to do this, much like a minister/preacher/pastor is chosen to do their work.  And I'd give anything to believe that I'm good at what I do.

Sometimes I get that reinforcement from a patient's family member who won't let go of me and cries, and tells me how glad they were that I was there.

I'm not an angel.

I'm not an angel of death.

I am a Nurse.  I am a Hospice Nurse.

'nuff said.

Love to all.

Okay, so here's my first post.

My "Life Views"

I do not feel that the internet is a place to air dirty laundry.  I recently got a really badly composed post about someone close to me.  Not only did I not appreciate it, I did not ask for or welcome it.  Do not send me emails about my freinds or family berating them or telling me all the bad things you think they may have done.  They are all adults.  We are all adults.  We should act like it.  If you do not like what someone has done or said to you, take it up with them in an adult manner, do not get online and start slandering them.  That is just not right.

I recently changed specialties in my profession.  Instead of saving lives, I'm surrounded now by death.  Hospice is not for everyone, I'd like to think that I'm good at it.  Not because of it's dark, sinister side, but because of the spirituality involved and the care that a dying person needs.  Please let me know your experiences with any Hospice agency you may have had personal dealings with, I'd like to know about your experiences-both good and bad.  Maybe you can make me better at my job.

As for my family....they and my friends are my life, leave them alone.